Generally speaking, both people in the relationship will attend a couples counselling session together, at least initially.
This is to help establish an association with the couples counsellor that is clearly about the couple and their relationship. Some relationship counsellors and indeed some clients then find it beneficial to see the counsellor individually, in turn, before meeting up again as a couple.
Some relationship counsellors will only ever see their couples clients when they attend together. If you are in these circumstances, but you have a particular issue that primarily affects you as an individual, such as depression or an addiction, then your couples counsellor might suggest you see another psychologist or clinician for individual therapy to attend to that particular issue.
Usually a session of couples counselling is a combination of several different tasks. Counselling or therapy is about developing trust with your counsellor or psychologist so that you feel comfortable and safe talking about issues that may be very personal and extremely difficult to discuss.
A professional and ethical counsellor will make every effort to allow both of you to tell your side of the issue when it comes to talking about the issues you and your partner are struggling with in your relationship. The counsellor may use several different types of methods to help you and your partner in the counselling process. This may include You may also be asked to undertake projects or practice tasks between sessions like homework in order to help with the counselling process.
For example, you may be given an assignment regarding how to touch each other give a massage that is not sexual in nature at least once before the next session , or you may be asked to record your feelings or arguments in a diary and be asked to report back on the experience during the next session.
Professional counsellors, psychologists and therapists work very hard to recognise and contain their own personal biases — if they are concerned about how these might impact on the therapy, they might even disclose to you up front what they are this may occur at the beginning of therapy or at a time in therapy when an issue comes up that pushes against their own personal feelings.
However, many counsellors and psychologists will work through their own biases in their own counselling or supervisory processes many good therapists strongly believe that they should be in their own therapy if they are practicing. Examples of biases that might confront a therapist include strongly held religious beliefs or a disdain for them , beliefs about homosexuality and same sex couples, or a belief about the commitment of marriage. Examining the effects of couples' real-time stress and coping processes on interaction quality: Language use as a mediator.
Front Psychol. A review of the research in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Fam Process. Long-term effectiveness of treatment-as-usual couple therapy for military veterans. Behav Ther. Two-year follow-up outcomes in emotionally focused couple therapy: An investigation of relationship satisfaction and attachment trajectories.
The effectiveness of emotionally focused couples therapy on sexual satisfaction and marital adjustment of infertile couples with marital conflicts. Int J Fertil Steril. Premarital education and later relationship help-seeking. J Fam Psychol. Taspard T. Timing is everything when it comes to marriage counseling. The Gottman Institute. What are the marital problems of happy couples? Fam Proc. Feuerman M. Managing vs. Published November 9, UT News. The University of Tennessee Knoxville.
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We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. I Accept Show Purposes. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. Your counsellor is there to help you agree mutual goals, and their contract with you is to support you in achieving them.
Goals provide a focus, and a way of recognising and measuring progress. Outcomes do evolve as therapy progresses, but having a sense of where you are going can help give a structure and a purpose to your work. This is an ideal list. One size does not fit all, and the job of your counsellor is to make sure that your specific needs are recognised and met. Also, try to bear in mind that needs and wants are not always the same thing! Expect couples counselling sessions to be uncomfortable, and to go to places you may rather avoid.
Like any therapy, the real work of couples counselling happens outside the room. Your counsellor is likely to give you exercises to go away and do, together or individually, between sessions. If you take time to reflect between sessions, and come with a view about how you can positively build on the progress made, and overcome the challenges revealed so far, you are much more likely to move forward as a couple.
When both you and your partner are still invested in the relationship, couples counselling can be very effective. However, be aware that it will have effects. Things can often get worse before they get better. This is particularly evident in couples work.
Be clear what it is you both want from couples counselling before you go, and focus on what matters most to you. Conflict is so often viewed as bad, and yet differences of opinions and emotions laid bare are the places where mutual understanding and growth can emerge.
Your counsellor is there to help you create a space where you can both speak freely, without being interrupted. What you say and what you hear may be challenging, but avoiding what is actually happening and what either of you really feel will get you nowhere fast. Again, remember that communication difficulties are a very common part of couples work.
Peeling back and exploring these aspects of ourselves is a key part of couples work. Once you understand how you hear what you hear, you will be open to change the way you listen. Sometimes it is useful to pause or end the couples counselling to give one or both partners time to have individual support. Above all, you must keep in mind that if your primary goal is to change your partner then couples counselling may not be for you.
You will be encouraged to take responsibility for expressing your wants and needs, but that does not mean they will always be met. The counsellor is there to help you both express yourselves openly and respectfully. They are not an arbitrator or mediator.
Being open to changing yourself is key to successful couples work. Would you like to contribute to happiful?
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